http://ceeswagnificent.blogspot.com/
knowledge is pain, that's why it hurts to know...
Eveerything here is strictly written by me unless stated.
Therefore, Copyrighted (c).
AUTOBIOGRAPHY
independant queen workin for her throne
" I know the world's cold and deceiving but I keep my head up like my nose is bleeding " - Lil Wayne
Cassandra N.R.T.'s the given name but people call me Cassie or Cas.
I got a smile on the face with a fuck you mentality. I'm hated and loved, but who isn't?
That typa girl who's called a bitch/asshole (whatever's negitive) because she speaks the truth.
In the teen years and is educated. I try my best not to regret because I only learn from my mistakes.
God and the ones I call family keep me going on the regular. My trust is limited. I know, sounds
cliche but it really is. Meaning I can count the selected ones I really trust with my own 2 hands.
Other than all the negative, i'm pretty chill once you get to know me.
Just like Kanye, Everything i'm not made me everything I am.
Get at me with something real. †♥$ ♪
Simply
Way
Abovethe
Game -
CNRT©
fuck it
Wednesday, April 29, 2009 (4:13 PM)
Well, Ive been the super girlfriend
Let you think that nothing bother me
I really need to stop it with this. And so this day, it will be my last fucking post about it. I seem to be bringing myself down just because of you. Never will a man make me or break me, yet you became a big part of me. I'm just gonna say everything's okay. Sure sometimes i'll still reminsce, but its life, true? I'm gonna live 'the life' the way I always should've even when you left me. I don't fucking care about what anyone fucking says about this. Say i'm overreacting, I don't care. I'm gonna move on and forget something negative ever happened. I'm gonna live it up like how you do it. Just friends, i'll let it be. I'm glad I even have you there still as a friend. I'd rather have you there still then never so, thanks. Hopefully the bond we got will never fade away. No regrets, no mistakes, lessons just learned well. And things just had to happen, for the best. I guess. And I guess i'm just afraid to loose you as a friend.
OneFuckenLove.
now i don't want to sound helpless
Monday, April 27, 2009 (6:34 PM)
I don't know what it is that you're trying to do when you feed me the words you say. Maybe i'm overreacting, i don't know. Maybe the only one who misses things is me. And you're out there having the time of your life, while i'm here still uoyfognikniht. Coz yeah, i still reminisce. As much as i don't want to, i can't help myself. I can't help my feelings and emotions when it comes to you. Everything always seems to come down to you. That shows how much you've became a part of my life. I don't even know if you even care or whatnot but whatever.. as i said, i can't help it. You do you, and Ima do me, for now. Still to this day I believe that you'll soon, one day be here and everything will fall back into place when we was. I'd hate to see you get with them other chicks, When clearly i'm probably the one who has feelings the most for you. I honestly thought i forgot about it but clearly i didn't. And that's why i hate to admit all this.
Life is about all the meaningful things that we get to share with each other
So leave the past behind in each other we'll find our love is strong again
- adeaze
i'm not perfect
Saturday, April 25, 2009 (7:34 PM)
"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, causes you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there." -- Bob Marley
uoy fo kniht llits i
Friday, April 24, 2009 (8:18 PM)
yup you got it, uoy fo kniht llits i. what's wrong with me alie? just 2 days ago and yesterday i started to reminisce. ugh whatever. at least you're still there to talk to on a daily, god knows how you're doing but i'm not doing quite well. i wonder if you em fo kniht llits too. i just don't want anything to be akward, where we is now, i'd rather keep than to not have you at all. as long as you're good, i guess i'll be good too sigh. tell me how i did some note thingy today on facebook and it asked me questions that totally fit my feelings and shit right now. it all came down to answers about you. that's all i ever seem to care about these days, you. you definatley became a big part of my life, i can say. you're not here personaly but you are intentionally. i'm wanting this bond, this friendship forever. i promise i will stay close and be there through whatever, always and forever. god knows what the future's gonna bring. i want you to be in it as a friend the most. i feel that i can tell you everything and anything yet sometimes i can't, cause it's hard. don't you get it? i never wanted you to leave in that way. but i understand why. and ima accept that because yes indeed it is hard. but still erks, here i go again. i honestly wonder how you're doing these days and if i ever come up again, sigh.
♪♫ To think of all the nights I've cried myself to sleep
You really oughta know how much you mean to me
It's only right, it's only right
(In my life) that you be in my life right here with me
Oh baby, baby, yeah
yup, i couldn't stop listening to this song today the one by aj rafael. and yes that's mark's part and i absolutely love it.
clearly
Thursday, April 23, 2009 (11:04 PM)
clearly you're still on the mind. not matter how hard i try to move on, out of the blue i'll sit there and think of you. friggin reminiscing. as long as i have you as a friend, then i'm good. i guess. now i don't want to seem whipped on yo ass, but damn there's seriously something about you that's having me hold on and be down for you forever and always. something's telling me that your worth the wait. whatever happens, will happen yadig. erks whatever. i don't even know if you got a clue or not, i dont even know if you read my blog or not. wheather you do or not, i hope you know that i'll always be here, and i keep my words.
one fucken love .
i'm fallin' i'm lossin' it
Wednesday, April 22, 2009 (6:22 PM)
FML. Everyone's saying that these days, even me. I have my reasons. FUCK. Honestly, do you even fucking care? Do you know what you do to me with the actions you do? It hurts me. I bet you don't even have a clue. Even if you're somewhere i'm not, even if you moved on, I don't even know. What the fuck ever happened to ...? You're barely ever there anymore and I fucken miss it all. I miss the way we use to talk, I miss everything about you especially them corny ass jokes and the long long long x a milli talks. Ugh I just want to scream the hell outta my lungs right now. I feel like i fucking lost you. I did move on it's just how you say things and do something next. Like I don't get it. I take in every single word and you flip it, reverse. I'm sure if you were here everything would fall into place or everything will be much much better. I can say that I am or was selfish. But realtalks I can't help it. Ima wait however long I have to because you are something different. Or are you? I'd take it back when the time comes, I know right now it's not the right time but still, I still want you to be down for me. I guess as long as you're happy, then I should smile too. Sigh.
look what you've done
Tuesday, April 21, 2009 (8:39 PM)
Look what you've done to me. You still got me thinking you my everything. The way you got me, it's so dramatic. You got me trippin for each of your mind tricks. So each and everything you ever tell me and ever told me, I took every fucking word in. I trusted you, I believed you and now I see the movements and actions you don and now all it seems like is you're feeding me lies. Please tell me you're not. Can you stay fucking true with me? Honestly things may have seen so small and so little and coulda seemed like nothing but everything meant something good to me. You put me through enough, true? Make up to break up to being friends and later telling me how you 'really' feel and I see some next things. Forget about the little thing I said in the previous post when I said "I still log on everyday watching that 1 beside inbox..." Cause know what? I don't even know if you're telling me the truth or whatfuckennot. Sigh, i'll hafta admit that i kinda miss you stillaz. I can't take lies anymore tho. I can't face the fact that you told me one thing and it seems like the complete opposite when I see the actions you do. All I can do is wait alie, and then i'll know what's real fucken good. I'm stressing over nothing, right? wrong. You're a big part of me even if you're just a friend, even if you're far away from me. I can take that. It's called long distance and we made it work, we made it happen. You still stand out from the rest, I don't msg someone every single day other than you.
honestlyyyyy,
Monday, April 20, 2009 (10:40 PM)
and again, don't feed me lies. honestly, what the fuckaz? so motherfucking confusing, stay true, please. and tell your friends to fuck off and hop off my ass cause they don't even know me. i'm glad to be back to where we were because you mean something still. i honestly don't know what's there between us at this point other than our friendship, but something's making me feel like there's something more to it. if you're gonna make movements, make the right choices that's best for the both of us. so still, patience is mofucken key and i'm mofucken waiting, hollllla !
[insert name here] says:
so you still care for him
' CASSIE.t; says:
obviously he still means something to me
thats why the shit he says puts me down
i'm not gonna let a good friendship pass
by me as if i'll be okay when clearly i'm not
___
there's still a reason i log on every day to check up on something and that something is to see if there's a 1 next to inbox on facebook knowing that it's from you because you're the only one who msgs me daily on that. you're brighter then the rest, you stand out more, i see you more than i watch everyone else even if you're not here personally. cause something still tells me we can make it.
so much for ...
(4:51 PM)
so much for " ima always be here " what the fuck just happened? don't feed me lies, please. what just happened to what you told me before? tell me how our 'endless' talks just ended. (well thats what it seems like) because of your recent actions. i don't wanna put the blame on you, but you're the one who just made movements. this is everything i clearly didn't want to happen. patience is mothafucken key right? so i might as well wait alie. i gotta focus and get back on track coz i don't want this thing to hold me back. but honestly when you said how you would always be there, i took that in and now what?
price of love
Saturday, April 18, 2009 (10:17 PM)
♪♫ Love's like a car riding on a freeway,
Speeding too fast, going in the wrong way
Put it on the line too much, now it's too late
To turn around with you (to turn around with you)
Everything to lose, no regards for safety
I can make the news, tragedy from heartbreak
Heading in a truck straight for me,
Choice is yours, you can hurt me or love me
- Jay Rice
hidden in the moment
Thursday, April 16, 2009 (7:23 PM)
Somtimes pain becomes such a big part of your life that you expect it to always be there; because you can't remember a time in your life when it wasn't. But then one day you feel something else, Sometimes that feels wrong only because it's so unfamiliar. And in the moment, you realize your happy.
Life's too short to dwell on all that's wrong
(6:04 PM)
Everyone looks back at the past and all the shit that happened. Move on cause everything happens for a reason. I'm not gonna lie, I myself have looked back on the past many times but it wasn't worth shit (for some situations). It is what it is. Things will come and go and that's just the way life is. If you want change, you have to make the move. The world doesn't revolve around you personally, fyi. People talk, they talk so much karma starts comin around. Karma's a bitch aint it. As life goes on, you're gonna realize what was worth your time and if you ever wasted your time. If anyone was ever worth your time. Think about it. Each of us always give someone our all and our everything at this age but it always came to an end at some point. Make up to break up officially led to a official end. Nothing lasts forever. Know what's real good. Stick to the ones that matter. Know them before you say that they matter cause if you don't know shit, they're the ones that fuck you over.
baby i'm selfish
(5:27 PM)
" I want you to myself I can't help it, And yeah maybe i'm selfish " I can't stand this ! The way i keep thinking bout you. My feelings and emotins are just hitting me the way they would when you was that one. Ugh wdf. I can face the fact that we're just friends but why's my mind playin tricks and mind games like it got me trippin. Stillaz... na na na na na na .......
I’m selfish ‘cause I don’t
Wanna share him with nobody
Not even those
People that came before me
But see, I never believed
- Jennifer Hudson
the flashbacks won't leave me alone
Wednesday, April 15, 2009 (5:04 PM)
" Sometimes love comes around, just get back up when it knocks you down " This song's jooked on everyone's head these days yeahhuh, even mine. There's a hundred, trillion people out there but I feel for the need of one. I keep control of the way I feel, no one's gonna stop me. Something we had felt tough, it was worth my time. Lived it with no regrets. Time and time over and over again I say the same thing still to this day, ' I don't wanna loose you '. I wonder if you meant what you said a little while ago. Only time will tell. I worry bout how you're gonna forget me which I clearly don't want. Every good thing is worth waiting for because good things come to those who wait. I feel that i'm chasing a dream that sure be better to come true someday, hopefully. You don't even know. ' If I could write a book about where we stand, the title of my book would be life with superman - Beyonce. ' I accept the fact that we are where we stand as friends. I just don't want that to fade away. If only you were here.
settle for the best
Tuesday, April 14, 2009 (8:55 PM)
You gotta accept the fact that mans will come and go. Nothing's perfect. Nothing lasts forever, not even life. We settle for the best, for the ones that really do matter. People left for a reason and I think they aint worth it til they actually really do mean something to you. We say that 4 letter word called love yet it has 4 million times of a meaning. In what way do we define love? You decide cause you're the one feeling it. Love comes out of peoples mouths more than ever. Like they know what it really means yet when they say it, sometimes it has no meaning. There's a difference between love and lust, love and a crush, love and infatuation. No mistakes, no regrets, know that you gave it a try and saw whats 'real' good. It is what it is.
And life goes on
Monday, April 13, 2009 (10:16 PM)
Nothing so extravagant. I still think things. What's wrong with me? I don't f'ing know! On the reals, I feel that I still have a reason to smile everyday. I still go on and wait to see if i get anything etc. It doesn't seem like there is change and everything is still the same. But i gotta accept the fact that there is change and we're nothing more then friends. I'm pretty chill with that. Just my feelings and emotions are telling me different. Like whatthefuck. I feel for you and I will still wait for you. You seem to be worth my time and I hope i'm worth yours. You're still the only one and I hope i'm the only one. Nothing more I can explain the way I feel for you. You don't even know. People talk so much shit but we can make it. Most def.
Don't feed people words, actions speak louder than words
(3:22 PM)
Right now, your words are your actions. Feed me the truth. You're wassup - Still, yes. I won't deny nothin, i'm not scared to tell you the truth. My feelings, I just can't even explain. I want this bond forever. My feelings remain strong. You don't even know. I'm feelin the dream's song My Love still. Cause ' endless love i'll always provide ' And ' tell me what they know bout my love ' Cause clearly people know nothing.
My love is your love
There ain’t nothing in this world that they can do to make me give you up
Oh baby you will always be my girl boy
so let them do whatever, say whatever
Cuz I ain't givin her him up
Insanity
Sunday, April 12, 2009 (9:07 PM)
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
- Albert Einstein
True. I actually took this in. It is what it is.
I'm waiting, anticipating ...
(8:38 PM)
To this day, i'm still waiting. I don't care what anyone says! It is what it is. Nothing's gonna stop me. Trust, s'all it is. On the fucken reals! Never will i let you go as my friend. I'm speechless. Its like i'm chasing a dream. A dream that's sure to soon come true. "We can do it real big, bigger then we ever done it." You're the last thing i think of before i go to sleep stillas, whack no? But it's mofuckin true. Who knows what's gonna happen inbetween? Hopefully nothing. " Baby I will wait for you ... " I Can't make promises but right now, there's only ONE. And I kinda want it to be the same for you, I want to be the only one.
Nothing's Perfect
Saturday, April 11, 2009 (2:58 PM)
There's always going to be complications and problems but two make it work, not one. Commitment and trust. It is what it is. The feelings are still there, I won't deny. "Feels like im in a race, but i already won first place" still, yeah. On the reals. Up front, that's what i like. Oh what a feelin' . Y'all don't even know.
when the pretty girls shoot, they gon aim for your heart
Friday, April 10, 2009 (2:24 PM)
don't take the title as some homo shit. it's from a mofuckin song .
so this line "when the pretty girls shoot, they gon aim for your heart" is some serious shit. it's effing true for girls and guys. when the pretty ones shoot they always gon aim for your heart. as if the only thing that matters in a person is their looks. well guess what, the looks may be good, but their inside is not and that's when you get yourself into some bullshit. beauty is not the outside. true beauty is in the inside and out. for some people, they only get with the ones they want because of their looks but then they get with them and some serious shit goes down inbetween and that's your bad. you don't know whats good with them cause all you think about is if they look good. but that aint beautiful now is it. you end up getting hurt and upset over loosing someone when all you cared about was if they looked nice or not. wtf, like that doesn't make sense. think about what you're getting yourself into before getting on them serious tips. being hurt aint the best feeling in the world, it mofuckin sucks. think before you make decissions, and think if everything's really worth it. In the end, when it comes to an end, that's when you realize what you really lost. Them players out there think they're all slick and smooth just cause they fine when they're just waste mans. Get on them real tips. No one needs no bullshit.
HI GINA
Thursday, April 9, 2009 (11:09 AM)
SO THIS IS WHAT I DO IN BUSINESS CLASS GINA LMAO :D and leave the class without asking and talk on the phone without getting in trouble. lmaooo
head up gina, this post was for you hahaha !
♥
Come to my senses
Tuesday, April 7, 2009 (8:41 PM)
Things come and go and you gotta deal with it coz it is what it is. I'm only 14, doesn't make me any weaker than someone older. Just coz i'm young, doesn't mean i'm stupid. I've become more independant realizing what my priorities are and whats real good. I've met those who i can trust. Trust issues, yes. My trust is forever limited. Even if i'myoung i've been told that i got a mind full. And you can say that, it's self-explanitory. I'm that kind of person that people call a bitch just coz i speak the truth. Well guess what? Ima fear no bitch. Sometimes people don't see what's infront of their face, they get blinded from lies and never know the truth. Sometimes people don't see what they're becoming because they want to be just like everyone else. But God created every individual for a reason. He didn't create you to be like someone else. Originality is swag. Be your self, be your own individual. I think people say a mouth full, in other words "shit talk" when they don't even know nothing. So i don't know why people hype. If it isn't true then why hype? Then again people get called bitches because they speak the truth. There are small words that people use too much and i don't think they know the meaning. People should think before they even speak. Honestly, the drama is entertainment - when it's not mine, true. I've been through so damn much, and i fucking changed from a little girl to a grown teenager. Don't get me wrong. I'm moving forward, no holding back. I'm grown each and every time and you can't stop me.
with a mind like this there aint no stoppin me
Monday, April 6, 2009 (8:37 PM)
and i dont give two fucks if this entry is long :) take it in.
got a mind full but an empty heart. it's like bittersweet. still, i'm good, i promise. there was, still is, a distance. the distance may be long but the feeling stays strong. i stayed committed, my feelings for you just grew and i couldn't help it. just like you. you're feelings for me grew each and everytime and it happened. we happened. that was a good one month, i'm not gonna lie. no, it didn't even feel like a month. it felt like a year, no jokes. we talked since god knows when, and have had endless converstations ever since. you and i both know it. ' we making a world record of inbox msgs ' yahaha, yous a corny one. everything that went on between us, i will remember, especially you. i will never forget you. i won't be like them other girls who will hype on how my boyfriend just broke up with me coz know what? we still have that bond that we started off with, which was when we weren't even together. we're better off friends i guess. when we're just friends, we just have those random talks, nothing akward to come to because there aint no worrying. its like who the fuck cares what we say. no offending thoughts to come to mind because "you're my boyfriend, you should treat me right" we're just friends and i'm fine with that. don't get me wrong, we say that 4 letter word called love and yet it has 4 million times of a meaning. in what way do we define love? you decide coz your the one whos feeling it. sometimes the word love comes out of peoples mouths more than ever, as if it's something sweet yet when they say it, it has no meaning. sometimes we feel that just because we're in a relationship we know what love is. but do you really know what it is? there's a difference between love and lust, love and infatuation, love and a crush. i think people abuse this way too much. i'm not gonna lie, i have abused this word before. i once didn't know what love was until i got with someone who was true. true, faithful and someone who felt that they we're the one. but at this darn age, no man will be the one. forever is not part of my vocabulary. we young, nothing can last forever from now. bout forever and always... get at me with something real, get at me when your relationship lasts forever. i will be damn proud of you. no disrespect, but i have been with mans but only a few, i was in love with. people saw how i got over some quick and how it took me time to get over the few. that's because the feeling with those few was stronger then the others. im not gonna lie, i went off everytime someone broke up with me but know what? i'm happy that i even gave it a try. i look back at some of my relationships thinking if it was really worth it. i know when i wasted my time and when i didn't. mistakes we're definatley made with some but i won't hold that against em. yes i admit that i too have made mistakes and i take fault for some of my actions. everyone make's mistakes, no one is perfect. mans can act like the tougher ones but when you look at it, who really is the tougher one? the one who leaves for no reason or the one who fights for their battles. the ones who act like a bitch and act like the whole break up is put against you is obviously the weaker one. they can't stand that they let one down but know what would make the other feel better? if you were there for them as a friend. that's how i mofuckin feel bout him now. gone out with him twice now. no mistakes, no regrets. the first time round was just whack. we grew from that, put it behind and we became stronger. break up came a second time round, and he's still there for me. i'm fucking glad. i rather have him there as a friend then not having him at all. he still is gonna be there for me and i will still be there for him. who in the hell said ex-lovers can't be friends? they sure can. just coz there was a time when you was more then friends and that meant a lot, doesn't mean you gotta hold that against them and look at them differently unless they did something wrong. and who says a long distance relationship isn't possible? again, it sure damn is possible. we showed that it was possible. all you need - committment and trust, just like what you need in any other relationship. there's always gonna be the good and bad times, happy and the sad. but know what? just live it up and you both make the relationship work, not one. there's the both of you that make it. and if it doesn't work then you just weren't meant to be one. you're better off as friends. forgive and forget. reminiscing doesn't help. it'll kill you more inside, you'll hurt more than you already are. just move on, it's the best thing to do. we only live once. a relationship isn't our world and mind and because a relationship comes to an end, no the world did not come to an end. you're mind's playing tricks. you we're in what you call, love.
Yours Truly,
With a lot of Love, CEESWAGNIFICENT*
( comment away, no hate comments )
where's the good in goodbye?
Sunday, April 5, 2009 (11:01 AM)
today was gonna be the day. even if we're not with each other, you greeted me -ish lol. what joke tings, you and your cornyness. i still think we coulda make it work. there's never a good in goodbye. honestly i'm still tryna let go because i know that i got you as a friend but everything still reminds me of 'us' and when we was 'more than friends' and now we're 'just friends'. i wonder how you feel. maybe i still do think about you a little. i got attatched, i can't lie. something about you made it easy for me to just fall for you. maybe its the stupid jokes and your cornyness but you always knew how to make me laugh and you always knew how to put a smile on my face. i will always remember you. never will i forget you. now til forever, i still got you. no matter what.
i'll find a way and make it through
Saturday, April 4, 2009 (8:24 PM)
at first, it didn't bug me so much since i saw it coming. but then people kept talking to me about it and asking about it, some conversations even got a little intesne and well, i couldn't help myself but it all then made me cry. thinking about it, thinking about everything we was, we grew from being each others chops and getting into a relationship and having it end to not talking for like a year and talking again, having endless conversations and slowly became into each other more and more each day and then we became more then freinds. man, everything i'll never forget, especially you, i'll never forget you. our past was nothing like what we had now. we proved that a long distance relationship is possible. commitment and trust, s'all you need. and we showed the world that we can make it work. now i can't help but reminisce. reminisce about everything we was, what we became and what we grew from. all that shit that happened back in the past was put aside and we moved from that. you really are something special. you said it " i'll always be here. " and guess what? i hope you meant that coz i'll always be here for you too. i'll smile because of what we became, i won't be upset because our relationship came to an end. i'm glad that we ever made it work again. you're coming back here says you, and guess what? i'll still be waiting for you even if we're just friends. just friends, i'll let it be. as long as i got you still, better than not having you at all. ima hold on. there will always still be a place for you in my heart.
Yours Truly,
With a lot of Love, Cassandra T.
And i'm 'just' here
Friday, April 3, 2009 (9:03 PM)
So it's officially done with. I didn't have doubts i just seen it coming. I figured that you would make things seem 'akward' but no you didn't this time. You stepped up and ask me if i was okay and you told me how you're really sorry it went this way. And i told you straight up how i felt and thought it was kinda dry coz how it was gonna be our 1 month. And you told me " let's just say we made it, i'm always gonna be here." K, honestly i took that in. I hope you meant that. My deepest fear is loosing you as a friend. And for you to actually step up and talk to me, put a little smirk on my face, still. But at the same time i'm kinda cheesed coz of the way you bounce back... back to them 'other' girls as in your ex's so quick. I think thats kinda dry too. It's whatever now. As long as you're happy I guess i'll be happy... for you. Yes everyone i'll try and keep my head up. But honestly, I still kinda think about you and you don't even know how i feel. I wonder how you feel now, what you're doing, if i cross your mind... Oh well. I will never forget you, trust. I'll always be here as well and i got you always and forever.
Yours Truly,
With a lot of love, Cassandra T.
oh i can't believe it
Thursday, April 2, 2009 (10:13 AM)
What's on my mind ? , Every-fucking-thing.
Honestly i know that we're fading and well if your feelings just dropped, don't be with me coz of me and what im feeling, you have part in this too. Like i rather see you happy then upset and all confused without knowing what to do. Even if ima be left hurt, i'll let it be, i just wanna see you smile and happy. Honest to god i just don't want to loose you as a mofucking friend. Realtalks, you was always there to talk to, you always made me smile, always made me laugh and for all that to just go away in a snap fucking kills. As if my world's coming to an end, but i know it's not. I knew at some point it would end.. it didn't even end yet but i do know it's coming. And i have a strong feeling that the way you'll treat me after is as if everything is akward. No, i do not want that. Fuck. I just want to say 'FML' but i won't. Seriously i wanna just fuckign burst out crying right now because of this. No not because our relationship is coming to end, because i'm gonna loose you as a friend. I know that a man can't break me or make me, so i'm just going to let it be, i'm gonna live it up. Everyone always told me "there's nothing to worry about" or "you shouldn't be upset" or some shit like that but honestly, you guys don't know how i feel. There is something for me to worry about, i feel like i'm loosing the best friend i always wanted - the one that's always there to talk to, the one who makes me smile and all that, word. And there is a reason for me to be upset, because the smile on my face just turned upside down coz we fading and i'm just loosing you. That's like the worst that could happen and well, it's like the worst just came to me. Like i know you don't read my blogs and shit but i had to let every-fucking-thing out. I mean the reasons why i would go on and make an effort to go on was because of you. The smile on my face for the past month was because of you. As if i lived to breathe you, and now that you're gonna walk out that door, it's like i'm nothing without you. I'm gonna pretend to smile and act like everything's okay, but when i'm alone before i sleep, the only thing i think about is you. As i'm writing this whole fucking thing, my tears just started to fall. And it sucks because i still gotta go to school and i don't want to go to school looking fucking upset. Like even if you knew how i felt and what this post meant, even if you didn't stay with me as my boy, i don't care. Cause as long as i got you as a friend, i'll be glad. It's whatever, i lied. You mean so much to me. Even if the distance is long, the feeling stays strong. I will always have a place for you in my heart. I know i made no mistakes and no regrets, i'm glad i ever had you. Them fucking slowjams go on and i swear it just all reminds me of you. You, you and you. It's like my whole life came to an end, but you know what? I'm not gona live it up like that. Word, I swear i never felt like this in a long long time and yes, it does hurt. You don't even know. I've been through so much in my life and when a feeling really is there, i can't help but cry. And people say "there's no need to cry" but guess what? The only reason i cry is because i mofucking care. People don't get that. Like seriously, if i didn't care, i wouldn't cry. I wouldn't have so much feeling for 1 thing. I mean think about it. I don't cry for attention, like thats whack! As the days go by, i still think of you. How are you doing? How are you feeling? Do you still think of me? I'm not gonna lie, i sure do think of you still. But ima just smile and act like i'm just fine. This stuff right here was some truthful shit, take it in. I got you always and forever and i'll love you no matter what, as a friend. I'll never forget you, i promise, i swear, cross my heart and hope to die. RealmofuckinTalks.
Yours motherfucking Truly,
With a lot of love, Cassandra T.
april fools
Wednesday, April 1, 2009 (5:53 PM)
no pranks, no jokes. it just feels that i'm being played a fool... don't get me wrong. i do know what i got myself into. i don't look at this as a mistake and i won't look at this as a regret. i mean it when i say, you the best. now don't leave me as a friend, thats the worst that can happen. don't play me a fool as if i don't know shit. please don't hide things from me, i like the truth straight up. and if you're gonna leave me, do it gently. i'll try and 'take it easy'. 143REGARDLESS. i got you always and forever.
