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knowledge is pain, that's why it hurts to know...

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bittersweet poetry

Friday, March 27, 2009 (7:09 PM)

And i think thats they way you look at it. Like you don't need me but you want me. And you love and hate me all at the same time. Whats it gonna be, bitter sweet poetry. Now i wish you'd come up with the words i want to hear. Then again, i don't wanna loose you more then ever. Just let me know bout whatever and i'll try and stand strong. Hate it or and love it. Cause its bittersweet. Live it up, i wish YOU the best. I rather see you happy then upset even if i'm left hurting. I rather see you livin that goodlife either way, only you. I promise i'll try and be alright. Come real, come correct, just say my friend even if i'm left a wreck. I got you always and promise me you'll always have me too. 143

Yours truly,
Cassandra T.

doing too much

Thursday, March 26, 2009 (9:37 PM)

The way I feel about myself cuz I got self-esteem, sometimes I Wonder if I'm just chasing a fantasy ....

baby am i doing too much .

lover and friend. either way it is, i don't want to loose you.

(5:37 PM)

i can go on and on about everything and still, i don't know forsure bout 'whats good'. why did i get myself into this? it's because i know what i'm feelin and he got me. i never had someone talk to me every single day, endless conversations and corny ass jokes. no one has ever made me smile so big that my jaws would start to hurt and no one made me laugh so much over corny little shit that sometimes don't even make sense. it breaks me to see that what we have is starting to fade. that thing we have between us, the chemistry, the connection, the bond whatever fuck you want to call it. well it seems that it's starting to fade just coz we're not talking as much as we use to, we both been busy i guess? tho sometimes it seems that you don't even make an effort to talk to me as mcuh. sometimes it seems that you don't 'love' me anymore. that day when i seen " i don't know anymore =\ " on your status on facebook, i couldn't stop thinking about it ever since. and how before that we we're so good, you looking forward to our 1 month and now it just seems that you're waiting for our one month and you'll just hurt me after that. i want to say that i'm going to be fine through whatever but i'm sure i won't. get over you, move on, it'll be hard. i swear, i haven't felt this way in a long long time. if you think about it, the distance may be pretty long but the feeling is so strong, as if there is no distance. we got that thing like jay and beyonce, that bonnie and clyde vibe, word. i swear at night before i sleep i don't mean to cry but the tears just come out, thinking about you. i don't want you to ever forget me, i don't want you to ever leave me as a friend. you never read these things but i swear i need to let all this shit out somehow. like i said before, i can go on the whole day just talking about you as if i'm whipped but forreal i'm not fucking whipped if you think about it. i'm not obsessed. it's not my fault my feelings for you have grown so strong. i may be with other guys during the day but the only one that i seriously care for is you. you freakin completed my days and now it's like we loosin it. i see how your ex girls keep comin back to your facebook and writin so much shit as if they was gettin at you. yes of course i get jelous coz they're there and i'm not. and if you was to get at them back while you're with me, DRY. all i gotta say. realtalks i do freakin trust you and my emotions have been takin over me coz i don't know what the fuck is good. i love you regardless as my lover and especially as my friend. realtalks, no bullshitting. and when you get your ass here like you say you're going to, i know something will happen, again. now, i'm not getting my hopes up i just friggin know it. right now, i seriously just want to be okay ...

emotions takin over

(5:27 PM)

just when i forget about all the negative and when all the worrying just leaves me, something freakin happens that gets me thinking again. what the fuck. this is so messed. its tru, my emotions are takin over me. i swear! yes i can get envious and sometimes i am that kinda girl and word, what the fuccccccck. ugh fml. nuff fuckin said. i swear, i trust you & well, i just don't want to loose you as a friend especially.

i got it bad

Monday, March 23, 2009 (9:51 PM)

i told the story more than once because i can't get it off my mind. i play my part because i got you. i say the things i say to you because i would never lie to you. i'm happy to have you because i truly have fallen for you. i get upset when we don't talk because it gets me worrying. i over think things because it just feels that way. i'm surprised with what we share because our past is nothing like what we got now. i'm affraid to loose you because what we have is so strong. i think about you all the time because you are mine. i'm happy to have you because you know how to make me laugh and smile. And for me to loose everything? I would be left without knowing what to do. Just like usher, i got it bad. " you know you got it bad when when you're stuck in the house and you don't wanna have fun. it's all you think about, you got it bad when you're out with someone but you keep on thinking bout somebody else, you got it bad"

confused

(5:51 PM)

that's the word that always comes into these kinda situations. i'm so lost now, no joke. no i aint crying i'm just motherfucking confused. how i log on this morning on facebook all i see is a " (insert name) I don't know anymore ... =\ " and i see how you took off that thing on your facebook... and i come on few mins ago and i get a message saying " i miss you " and you took off that " i don't know anymore " you told me 17 days before our one month how it was 17 days til our one month and you were looking forward to that. you seemed happy about that. don't tell me you're waiting for that and you're just going to leave me after. i say ima be ready for whatever but i just know when something happens then that whole " ima be fine " will change. after everything... i just don't want to loose you as my friend, ily regardless. i'm stuck, confused as ever.

And so i'm left, short of breath with that heavy feeling in my chest

Sunday, March 22, 2009 (5:16 PM)

K, seriously i can't stop thinking bout this. its like freaking impossible. i'm going insane over this? tru. i'm going crazy? tru. i cant deny this. i can't even deny this love. i may seem whipped but no, its just the feelings i have for you have grown so strong. i'm not whipped. we had a past and our past is nothing compared to what we have now. from our 1 week thing to never talking, we started talking again and never stopped. from the endless conversations to a strong friendship to a relationship. i couldn't ask for more. and the fact that you're not here does kill me but you're with me in my heart. and how we don't talk i get myself into worrying just coz, i love you.

Is it wrong for me to feel this way?

Saturday, March 21, 2009 (7:23 PM)

take it in how i took a nap to get my mind off things and i just happened to have a dream. and my dream was all about you. you truly are everywhere in my life, all around. you're even there when i sleep. why can't you be here. why can't this dream come true. if i was able to wish for something right now and for it to come true, it would be for my dream to come true - for you to be here. corny as it may sound but its motherfucking true. it feels like i haven't talked to you in forever but seriously it's only been since yesterday at 2:04 PM when we last talked and when we talked, it was like the shortest shit ever. me thinking you was gonna come back on it like a good 5 mins.. did you? nope. thought you'd come back on when it was almost midnight.. did you? nope. didn't tell me nothin bout you was gonna be gone or you was gonna go or whatever. you seriously got me and i'm hoping that soon, i'll talk to you again. i can't stop thinking about you and now i just can't stop worrying...

you've been on my mind for days
and i've had so much to say
where have you been ?
i can't even keep a grin
did you forget about me?
i've fallen for you, cant you see.
you put the smile on my face
you make my hear race.
you're like the air i breathe,
you're like the everything i need.
i want a dream to come true
and thats to be right there with you.
- yours truly, cassandra tan.

You're like a drug, i'm hooked on you

(5:04 PM)

Lately I've had the strangest feeling
With no very reason here to find
But yet the thought of losing you been hanging around my mind
- Lately by KC & Jojo

realtalks now.

I miss you. Where have you been? Did you forget me? Please tell me you didn't forget about me. Please tell me you miss me too and tell me the only thing on your mind was me. I sound like a hopeless depressed fag because of you. I don't want to loose you...

i hate this part right here

(3:28 PM)

here comes the 'worrying' again. when it comes to worrying i feel completely hopeless thinking of all the negative that could happen. why does my mind make me think like this, why does my mind make me act like this? god knows. regardless, i can't stop thinking about you. shows how much you became a part of my life, tru. you seriously are something special, i'm not even gonna boost. you just always know what to say to make me smile and when i don't get to talkin to you thats when i start to motherfucking worry. thats when i start thinking so damn negative. why can't i just be so alive that i'll never think something bad's gonna happen. i don't want to loose you, trust. people think i'm friggin whack for getting myself into this long distance chemistry but yknow what? i'm not whack. i'm sure if you all felt how i'm feelin then you would see how much i have feelings. something about me just made me feel that we seriously can make it work. after everything we been through, realtalks. and it breaks me to know you're not here. but you're always gonna be in my heart and you won't ever leave it. you've been the thing i've been missing.

i'm not out of my leauge ...

Friday, March 20, 2009 (11:52 PM)

its almost fucken 12 midnight and i seriously don't want to go to bed crying myself to sleep. wherever you are, lord knows, i love you regardless. where have you been all day? i do not know. we had the smallest, shortest conversation ever and what? i miss you. don't forget about me, never. it was 2 when we last talked, 12 in your time, where have you been. oh lord, me and my fucken worrying. i can't help myself, my feelings for you have truly developed and i just don't like the thought of loosing you or even you forgetting me. i can't live like this. i want to scream at the top of my lungs just coz i hate this ! i'm not out of my leage - i know what i'm feelin and i'm feelin him. he's a dream come true tho i worry way too much.

i wish

(10:11 PM)

i almost went the rest of the day without worrying... til' someone came to me talkin bout their problem and well it reminded me of you. it made me think of you. everytime i worry it turns out im worrying bout nothin then when i dont worry, somethin happens. i seriously wish worrying was never fucken invented! now worrying just gets me so damn vexxed. i guess everything does just happen for a reason and karma's a bitch. hopefully, just hopefully nothing bad happens, once again. i'm here putting everything on you. i can't deny that what i have for you is something real fucken strong. and again, i can blog for the rest of the night bout you and blog til i get a little message again from you. i wish i seen a shooting star right bout now so i could wish on it for my wish to come true. 143030509 - fallin for ya deep, you got me.

i am truly blessed

(2:07 PM)

Lord knows how thankful i am to have him. He makes me smile every single day and he knows how to make a good laugh. And i don't care about the distance tho sometimes i do wish you were here. But word, as if there was no distance coz baby you the fucken best, tru. Patience is fucken key and i waited long enough to finally call you 'mine'. i was so scared to let you know how i really feel about you. we started talking since god knows when and now we're just counting the days to our 'monthasary'. 030509, what chu know about that. even if you're not here personally, you're here intentionally. you're in my heart and in my mind. i got you, you got me. dunkno, ifly'. Take it in how the song Just Friends just went on and it somewhat reminds me of you haha. Ohman us and our memories and corny jokes and pick up lines. Something about you just makes me melt. your a jaw dropper aha, 1Love. Knowing that i got you, i'm truly blessed. Never ever will i forget chu. one and fucking only! you the catch of the day coz you something special, tru! Everyday, you is whassup. 0305 - the smile on my face, DAV *

me, myself and i

(10:55 AM)

i ride alone, i die alone. coz these days people don't know the defenition of a true 'friend'. i got my selected few - very few. my trust is forever strictly limited. like the ones i thought are the real deal, they end up being 2 faced and well they aren't the real deal. they aren't the ones whom you tell something to and it goes out their mouths to a next person. i don't stay close to those whom i've 'just met' you feel me? coz how can you call them 'mains' when you've basically just met them? tru. you barely even know them yet you stay so attatched. WHY just why. do you know the defenition of 'mains' coz it seems like you don't. you figure why i never help you with your problems and issues and whatever... well maybe it's coz you never tell me about anything anymore. if i don't know whassup then how the hell do you expect me to help you? i don't tell much about whatsgood with me coz there really isn't anything i'm hiding so therefore, you can't say the same about me. plus 'karma' - what goes around comes around. that seems to be the only way i find things out. like, bout freind. fuck that. "independant queen workin for her throne" sure thing. none of you need me, i don't need none of you. i do me, while you do you. i got my priorities straight unlike you people who got it all messed up. what'd i say? 09 and the same shit's still here.

I don't dare I won't deny this love

Wednesday, March 18, 2009 (3:34 PM)

I don't care what they say - you & me, meant to be? tru. Me crazy for getting myself into this long distance chemistry? Hell naw, i aint crazy. What we have, i can't even explain. I don't have the right words to say that what we have is like the greatest thing anyone can ever have. It's freakin possible to love within a distance. You know exactly what to do to make me smile. Our endless conversations, making a world record of sending msgs on fb - whack? Hellnaw. It's love. We love. Sometimes when we aint talking i worry too much making myself hurt but in the end i worry bout nothin coz you got me and i got you. As long as we talk to each other for a little bit, as long as you tell me you love me - i'm good. And you do tell me you love me and you always do what you can to try and talk to me, i'm truly blessed to call you my boyfriend. Whipped? Maybe. But i swear, none of you know how i feel. 143359DV it is what it is !

you're the air in my lungs that i live to breathe

(12:49 PM)

yesterday - my day was so messed. why do i always do this to myself? i make myself worry so much and think so damn much and then in the end i'm worrying bout nothing. all of yesterday all i did was think about you; where are you? what are you doing? did you forget me especially? til 10:15 something like that and i go on for the end of the day and i finally get something from you. i finally seen that 1 i been waiting to see beside INBOX on facebook. and you said things that made me smile. you always know what to do to make me smile. you tell me how you went out to your friend's base and i msg you back and i get a "finalllly! i miss you baby" and i msg you back and i get a "i love youu!" the fact that you say those things to me, just made me smile. knowing that you truly do love me especially. i swear i needa make myself stop worrying and thinking so negative coz in the end it really is nothing im worrying so much about. the fact that i got you and you know you got me too, the fact that i'm loved by you and the fact that you don't forget about me is all i really want. it's the little sweet things you say to me that make my heart melt and the stupid corny jokes we make. the things you say are your actions. yesterday i made 3 posts on the blog all about you worrying so damn much bout to make myself cry. 2 long ass posts about me worrying, thinking as if you forgot me. til the end of the day i realize that you didn't forget me, you never will, tru. i'm happy i got you and you're happy you got me. your stuck in my heart and in my mind and same ways for you bout me. never leave. the way i think about you so much sometimes hurts figuring why you just can't be here right this moment but the fact that i'm with you in your heart and mind just gets me. you got me, i got you. i love you, you love me. i need to stop worrying and thinking that you don't love me anymore or you forgot me because truth is, you do love me and you didn't forget me. when i think like that, i just make myself hurt from thinking rather from the truth. coz the truth is the opposite of what i always think. i tend to think so negative and i just hurt myself from it. whenever you say i love you to me, i feel truly blessed to have you. it's like you're the air in my lungs that i live to breathe, tru. for example like yesterday, i felt that i didn't have you anymore and that thought seriously, literally made it hard for me to breathe. but now that i know i do got you still and you didn't forget me just made me smile - it's like talking to you is my painkiller. you're the reason i truly smile, you're the reason i feel blessed. even if you're not here, i feel the fucken greatest to have you, to call you mine. i feel that i know you and i feel that we can go a long way. i know it's kinda too early to say something like that but whatever. we can make it work and we can proove to the world that this long distance connection/chemistry between us is worth living. you the fucken best & i fucken love you. as long as you love me, i'm good. NuffSaid

i'm driving myself insane

Tuesday, March 17, 2009 (6:57 PM)

ever since i woke up, ate breakfast, watched some tv and went on the computer i couldn't stop. i can't stop thinking about you. i log onto facebook for 1 main reason. to see if i got a message from you. did i yet? nope. i've been talking and blogging all about you since today started. that shows how much you do got me. it's not like you ever read my blog but i need to let everything out somehow. i fucking miss you, tru. now i know how it feels to not talk for a day or a while. i'm driving myself insane. truth is, i don't know whats going on. i seriously hope you didn't forget about me. you don't know how many times i wanted to burst out crying today because we haven't talked for a while. i held in my tears so the fam wouldn't question me why i was crying. how i held my tears, made it hard for me to breath. i'm worrying myself too much thinking what the fuck are you doing. did you forget about me? where the hell are you? i go onto facebook this morning, you tell me how you sneaked out to chill at your friends base, your bff. and then i go onto your profile and i see some next girl having fun writing on your wall posting so much stuff that made me a little jelly adding hearts to her posts. seems like she was being a flirt. tell me you weren't being a flirt back. please don't forget about me. i just want to talk to you to make me feel all better and smile. coz whenever i talk to you, you do make me smile. you dont know but i'm sure hella happy to be with you but when the communication doesn't happen between us for a while makes me worry so much. makes me think so much. i think so much to the point where it hurts. i fucken worry too much thinking so negative like lawd, what the fuck is wrong with me! baby you fucken got me and i fucken love and miss you. i swear this whole fucken day all i did was see if your on, see if i got a message from you and just think so much about you. don't get me wrong, i'm so fucken thankful i got you. i'm happy to call you my friend and i'm happier to call you my boyfriend. i don't want to loose you as my boy but i most likely don't want to loose you as a friend. today i sat infront of the computer reading the ENDLESS messages we always sent to each other every single day and how we like made a 'record' (lol). and i seen how corny we was and how slowly we was getting closer to each other. we talked everyday ever since god knows when. and the one day you said "i heard you liked me" i blushed, i turned red saying what the fuck! how the hell did you know. only coz i was scared that the bond between us would fade and become akward coz of me and what im feeling about you. but then you told me that i was in luck coz you liked me too. that made me smile you don't even know. and then you asked me to be your girl.. then the butterflies in my tummy came and the smile on my face just got bigger then it already was. you made my fucken day. and ever since then, you always made my day, you always made me smile. doesn't matter what we talk about, no matter what it is, as long as we talk, whenever we talk, you make me smile and laugh, i fucken love it. i fucken love you. and it kills me when we don't talk. it gets me fucken thinking and worrying. i drive myself insane, tru. its like i get fucken jelous when i see nex girls commenting up on your facebook and i'll admit that i kinda do. only coz your my man and i love you. and it fucken hurts to know that your also making other girls seem to smile? while i'm here sitting by the computer writing, blogging all about you, thinking of you and where the heck you are and what the hell you doing. you're probably out having so much fun with god knows who. i don't want you to forget about me. seriously, you got me. i've been fucken repeating myslef just like them love songs have been playing on repeat. i wish you knew how i feel right this moment. but you don't. as long as you're happy i guess i'm happy too. i rather see you smile then be upset. but on the realz, i rather have you home talking to me telling me how much you love me, thats why you're with me. you may be out happy having fun while i'm here worrying about you - the complete opposite. i don't know what the fuck is wrong with me but i fucking love you, tru. its like i can go the whole day writing on my fucken blog exposing all my feelings about you. i can go the whole day til you talk to me. i just wanna scream, you don't even know. i can see myself crying later on today because of you. don't anyone get me wrong coz i do know what i got myself into but i can't help my feelings. it is what it is and it's possible to love within a distance. what we have is nothing compared to our past.

this got me

(1:36 PM)

Its things like that got me all confused I don’t like the fact
I don’t know your next move but I do know the truth and
I do know you love me and I trust that you know that i love you
we gotta make it work we been through the worse
we seen the best but we stuck in a curse ...

- make it work - neyo ft. klepto

fml, tru.

(11:23 AM)

i got so many issues that never ever get solved. i always try and do things about this but nothing ever works. i hate worrying about things i shouldn't really be worrying about. i hate how i always think about things so hard that it kills me to the max. i hate how nothing ever works out for me. at least once, naaaw. 'FML, tru. tho i'm thankful for what i got and the smile makers. tho when i'm not happy i can truly never smile. if you see me smiling when im upset, obviously it's a fake smile. or you see me smile for like a split second and that smile just goes away so quick. what is this. venting, venting, venting - something i always seem to do when im upset. it's like.. a habit you can say. that shows how much i got so many fucken problems. 99 problems but a bitch aint one - fuck a bitch and a hater for all i care. you can say that i worry way too much that in the end there's nothing to worry about. but i never know til it happens. actions speak louder than words. too bad you aint here to show your actions so right now your words are your actions. i hope you know that you complete my days and i don't wanna loose you. you got me whippped, tru. know that i never stopped thinking about you ever since we started talking, you got me. i hope we can make it work, yes. " this can only be as good as we both make it, but sometimes its gona hurt " im feeelin neyo's song make it work. boy, you know you got me like, don't forget that. tell me that i have nothing to worry about, tell me i don't have anything to think so hard about. tell me there's nothing going on, tell me you love me and only me coz i do. i love you and you only. i swear, i haven't had this deep feeling in the longest time and now that i do i bring myself to my own drama get myself to thinking and worrying and in the end its bout nothing. i hope it stays like that. you boy, you are my one and only. you are the one that makes me smile. i go onto facebook just to check that number 1 beside inbox and hoping its a message from you. when i don't see that for a while, thats when i worry. what the hell have you been doing? did you forget me? you having your own fun out there when i'm here, bout to bring myself to tears? thinking where the hell are you. boy you seriously got me. maybe you can't tell but forreal look what you've done to me. you got me thinking like you the best ever. scratch that you ARE the fucken best, best i ever had. even if we're far more out, you out of everyone made me smile to the fullest each and every day. i really don't know what the hell it is, but something about you just makes me love you so much, more than ever. just make it work, make it last, all i'm wanting. 1-fucking -4-3, tru. you people think i'm crazy for getting myself into a long distance relationship? but i swear, you don't even know how i'm fucking feeling right now bout him. me and him have a past. and our past is NOTHING compared to what we have now. i love him more than ever. but yes don't get me wrong - i do know what i'm getting myself into and i don't blame none of you but myself. but forreal, its nothin but love.

You

Sunday, March 15, 2009 (11:37 AM)

I miss you, i miss you i really wana kiss you but i can't - So kiss me thru the phone (8)
I'm sorry for yesterday and how i didn't go on and talk to you as much coz i went out. Know that, i got you always and forever. You on my mind 24/7 - life. Even if you're not here, you are tho, with me. You make me smile each and everyday no matter what. Realtalks, you needa get your phone back lmao. Sucks to be where we are, far from each other but it doesn't suck knowing we got each other. Call me crazy but you all just don't know how i feel.

what'd i say?

(11:30 AM)

So you obviously again, did not delete me off msn since you straight up msg'd me. And why'd you msg me? Coz you wanted to apologize. I told you that you WILL come back. You took that in as a joke but word, you fucken steped up and straight apologized. You don't even know how much i knew you was gonna do that. You call me fam? Please don't. You bitching at me for endless shit pissed me the fuck off. And i'm forgiving you coz i have to, not coz i want to - remember that. Harsh? I don't care. You and your wrong actions, i fucken told you karma was gonna hit you. That's your fucking fault for putting yourself into these things. You needa learn that the world does not revolve around you and the world isn't perfect. And for you to snap for the stupidest shit that you clearly ASSUMED, that's what YOU get yourself into. You left me coz of that and you dare come back to me like i said. What'd i fucken say.

thanks

Friday, March 13, 2009 (9:57 PM)

Thanks for the people that put up with me and my venting at em. Thanks for being there and letting me talk to you and vent at you LOL. And thanks DV, for ALWAYS making me smile and always making my days, like right now :). So watch til this 'person' comes back to say sorry, ima be so ready for it. Don't get me fucking wrong. Pissoff.

friday the 13th

(9:46 PM)

so this i would say is the worst day of my life only coz this one fucking person pissed me the fuck off pushing me to my limits! and i won't say the name but how dare he , how fucking dare he say the things he fucking said. how can he try and be friend to me and 10 mins later he bitches at me. the fuck is wrong with you? you started so much shit, you ruined my fucking day, made it fucking worse than it already was. idk where your going with all this shit but guess what? FUCK YOU TOO! you made me upset, you made me hurt, you made me mad, pissed, vexxed more tho. i can't fucking believe you ! your so fucked blaming me for shit you started. comparing me to nex girls i dont know and comparing me to your boy and his actions from the past. how fucking dare you ! if hes your boy how can you say such things, tru. you got me so fucking mad and you wanted me to delete you off everything and so i fucking did, your wish fucking come true ! and you know it, you're gona come back apologizing for your wrong actions and karma's gona hit you and ima be ready to say " i told you so " fuuucking cheeese me !

now i just cant stop thinkin'

Thursday, March 12, 2009 (7:27 PM)

i admit that i over react when it comes to these kinda situations sometimes but its only coz i feel so whack inside. i promised myself and others that i would hold on strong in 09 but word, i can't help myself. im so disapointed in myself, you dont even know. so this whole thing got me thinking so much, im holding back the tears from coming making it hard for me to breathe. i just don't want to show that im fucking hurting. so i know what i've got myself into and i'm not saying i made a mistake coz i know for a fact that i didn't make a mistake. i know what i'm feeling, no one can change that and it is what it is. you can't blame someone for falling for someone. but yo, after our oh so little talk and how you responded got me fuckin thinking so damn much ! excuse me for the swearing but i gues i'm just getting fustrated. when we was talking, you didn't seem alright. as i said (in the previous post) it's like i know you so damn much and i know whassup. how you was responding made it seem like something was wrong. maybe it's coz of whats goin on and how you say its coz you cant see me now cozza your fam or its just your gona do something? i sure hope its not the 2nd one coz i dont wana loose what we have as i said a billion times. i hate worrying so much. im so worried its just making myself hurt. i dont want to worry so much coz its not like something bad happened. well something kinda bad as in your plans and what you was lookin forward to is messed but other than that, i got you, you got me so there shouldn't be anything to worry bout, tru?. well i hope nothing worse is gonna happen coz forreal i haven't felt this way in a long time. maybe i snapped when i wrote this post but i need to let things out. and i can't help but speak the truth. with you always on my mind... it's hard to forget bout worrying. yo, i love you.

i can tell, something's wrong

(6:52 PM)

It's like i know you so much that i can always tell whassup and well something's wrong and i know it. I feel like something's gonna happen - something i rather have not happen. Or it's just that your all bummed out because of whats goin on with you and the fam. How you was suppose to come here but you reachin the states instead and how you tell me there's no point in you going.. aw i feel bad. So i wish i was there, i wish you was here. You know i got you still. I just don't want anything to go wrong now ...

' CASSIE.t ; says:
so how was your day
[instert name here] says:
sad cos i cant see you.

this gets me thinking... thinkin hard. making me feel kinda whack. whipped you may say.
its just what we have forreal - was good & i don't want it to go away. im scared you can say and worried, yes. just don't want this to go away so soon. I GOT YOU, always and forever. and fuck why am i so down after all that.

tell me what they kno bout my love

Wednesday, March 11, 2009 (4:37 PM)

Now who’s right there every time you cry?
Gonna sleep and wake up on your side?
Endless love I'll always provide
They hatin on us and you should no why
But who’s be lovin you lately?
Who’s willing to go half on the baby?
Who who who’s trying to flag our ship?
They just tryin to get the love you give
But baby,

Tell me what they know about my love

So they don’t understand why I'll never leave you
Explain my love? I don’t need to
Got everybody way up in our business
Cuz lovin each other stay on their wish list
I see them reachin everytime you call me baby
They on my back like a shirt, get off me baby
They don’t love me, let them wonder why
Here to stay and they going bye bye
Who’s the one calling you baby
Who’s in love with your ass like crazy?
Who who who’s gonna flag our ship?
They just tryna get the love u give baby

Tell me what they know about my love

My love is your love
There ain’t nothing in this world that they can do to make me give you up
Oh baby you will always be my ~~girl~~ boy
so let them do whatever, say whatever
Cuz I ain't givin ~~her~~ him up

So they thinkin i'm crazy bout "what he in another province! how!?" y'all so confused but i guess you just ' DONT KNOW BOUT MY LOVE ' (lol). It's ture, i've been the one loving him lately, and i guess y'all just don't understand. I've been the one callin you baby, i been the one loving your ass like crazy & there aint nothing in this world that they can do to make me give you up coz i aint ever givin up. Don't hate. If you felt what i'm feelin - you would know, you really would. I'm listening to all these songs, putting them on repeat just coz they fit what we have. You don't even know, it's like i'm fucken whippped tho, but i'm tellin ya' HE knows exactly what to do to make me smile. I like repeat myself on this coz sometimes it bugs me how you're not here right now and watnot but i know you got me and i def do got you. And again, i can't wait til you get your ass here. We can make it work & we can prove that - it's possible to be in love with someone you've known for so long even if they're not with you right there, right now. :)

it is what it is

Tuesday, March 10, 2009 (6:41 PM)

So it is what it is - it's possible, tho sometimes it DOES kill me but you know i got you. When i'm left waiting on ya, it's like where the hell are you tho i love you regardless. I repeat myself every day, everytime coz the thought of you being somewhere else while i'm here is whack! But forreal, i'm feelin ya and it is what it is. No one can stop my feelings from going on. Tho you do make me smile with the things you say, i think its dayum cute. So that song long distance by brandy sure does fit me and all and word, i can't stop putting that on repeat. I honestly can't wait til i see your face. Another song that gets to me is best i ever had. Coz forreal tho, i know we tried before and it didn't work and now we at it again and baby it feels so damn right. You don't even know. What we have - no matter what it is, i don't ever want to loose it. We talk like everyday and you put that smile on my face. For it to go away, wow. I haven't felt this way in a long time tho forreal. There's just something about you that makes my heart drop down for ya. "You the fucken best, best i ever had..." So i'm here, writing this, thinking about you and watnot. Where ever you are, hope you doin the same. Haha. You suck for being grounded and for having your cell taken away tho forreal. Coz i'd waste my mins on you, i dont give a fuck ♥ NuffSaid. 1Love,359DAV

you seriously know how to make me smile

Monday, March 9, 2009 (9:51 PM)

I honestly don't know what it is, forreal. Maybe its the things you say that make me oh so happy makin me get em butterflies makin me seem oh so whippped. but ohlawd, you just know exactly what to say to put a smile on my face. You the cutest and sweetest little thang ;) aha. aw, how much i'm falllin for ya ! <3 You say the sweetest and cutes things to make my heart melt and its a-fucking-dorable mister! it is what it is

Think what you wanna think.

(6:32 PM)

it's not impossible. it's straight possible. you just never felt it ever coz i sure do know what i'm feelin straight! and maybe you people find it whack how he's from another province but you seriously don't know how i'm feelin. take in the song long distance by brandy. " With you is where I'd rather be,but we're stuck where we are.It's so hard, you're so far..This long distance is killing me.I wish that you are here with me,but we're stuck where we areit's so hard, you're so far..This long distance is killing me. " Yes with you is where i'd rather be but we are stuck where we are and it's hard tho it's like the best feelin in the world to love and to be loved alie? even tho the long distance is kinda killin me i'm glad that i got you ever. sweet thangs im sayin? you can say that but im just speakin the truth. you bring the smile to my face and the sunshine to my days. make me feel good, i know we can ' make it work ' you say your coming here and baby i can't wait. i can't wait to run into your arms and feel you just holdin me. dunkno, either way; whenever, where ever, no matter what, when; i got you, always & forever. and for those days to come - i can't wait. you know you know, just kiss me thru the phone. " Baby u kno that I miss uI wanna get wit chu Tonight but I can't now Baby girl and that's the issue Girl u kno I miss uI just wanna kiss u But I can't rite now so baby Kiss me through the phone............Yeah u can be my boonie I can be ya clyde U can be my wife Text me, call me I need u in my life Yea all day Everyday I need ya..........Baby I've been thinkin Lately so much about u Everything about uI like it, I love it "

Baby you´re my everything you´re all I ever wanted

Sunday, March 8, 2009 (8:08 PM)

Baby you´re my everything you´re all I ever wanted
We could do it real big bigger than you ever done it
You be up on everything other hoes ain´t ever on it
I want this forever I swear I could spend whatever on it
Cause she hold me down every time I hit her up
When I get right I promise that we gone live it up
She make me beg for it till she give it up
And I say the same thing every single time I say...
You da fuckin´ best [x4]
You da best I ever had
Best I ever had [x3] (8) ...

Coz this song is " the fucken best" lmao. Kso like i'm addicted to this song :) sh. & whaddap whaddap, 0305DV - you the fucken best ;). I love how we do, from the talks to the jokes to the endless conversations, it's like all i ever wanted. The bond we have - it's the greatest feelin in the world. Anytime we talk, you get me smiling. Don't matter where we are, i know what im feelin. Whoever said it's impossible to love like this. Coz they're wrong. It sure is possible. Maybe it's coz they never felt the way i am feelin right now, thats why they say its impossible. But it is what it is, and i'm good. I can wait for ya' til you get your ass here coz i know you will, you told me so. Baby i know what i'm feelin, and the feelins so right. The thing we have, whatever you wanna call it, it's been going on for a while and it's like finally. We might've had not sucha good past but forget it, what we have now - it's even better. I've said " i don't need a lot of wishes coz i'll be okay if i get one " well i got one and now i got a next one - for you to be here. Even if you're not here, you got me smiling and you got me gettin them butterflies inside. Even if i rather be with you right there, right now, in your arms i'm still happy that i got you. If it was to end, i'd be crushed tho everything happens for a reason. But i wouldn't want our bond to fade, to go away or to be forgotten about. I don't even wana think about that so sh. lmao. Baby if you would just kiss me thru the phone ;) I know, i know, you got your cell taken away now (lol) but oh well, as long as we have our talks and conversations i'm good. You don't even know, i'm kinda left speechless coz im really feeeelin ya.

the ranting is giving me a headache

Saturday, March 7, 2009 (3:10 PM)

Back and forth, on and on, na na na na na na - fighting. I hate it ! It's giving me a motherfucking headache like you don't even know. Dear mom and dad, i wish you would just stop! I know sometimes you guys argue but for it to go on and on and doing it on a regular basis is unhealthy. I know my rents won't even ever read this but i need to let everything out. When you arguing and all i hear is mod ranting fuck i can't help but cry. God knows what's gonna happen. Frig i just hate it to the max you dont even know ! Its worst for the daddydukes coz he's got sicknesses & problems with his whole body system and who knows whats gonna happen. I get so scared, i get worried and everything. I pray that you stop, my brother tries and stops you but no you don't give a fuck. Your kids are probably hurting more than you guys are when you're arguing... well i know i'm friggin hurting. Coz honestly i'm scared. I don't want the worst to get to this family. We're always doing our own thang, out at different places, with different people but with the family. It seems like a big disaster.. worrd, i don't like this at all. I want the family to be close or at least stop it with the drama coz i cannot stand it. I love the family no matter what and i honestly, truly, madly, deeply HATE the bad gettin into us. Love the youngest, Cassandra.

the smile on my face

Friday, March 6, 2009 (5:41 PM)

Well aren't i smiling nuff? 359DV, whaddup. I thought it'd never happen til like god knows when. But ayy, you put the smile on my face and i'd have a biggER smile if you was right here, right now. The bond we have, it's just the greatest feelin in the world knowin i got you no matter where. " Tell me our bond's unbreakable no matter where we are. " Word. Ever since who knows when (whenever we started talking again) we never stopped. We talk every day whenever we're on and watnot, man i love it. You sure do give me them butterflies and you sure are the reason why i smile these days. Something about you makes me feel like we can make it work, always. I'll wait for you til you get here. Then i'll have the biggest smile ever.. even if i can't smily properly because of my uggz braces haha. but worrrd, you lighten up my days & you put the pain away. You like a medicine, i get a dose of talkin to you and bam ! I'm good. You're the cutest thing that can ever happen to me :) haha. Our little talks, our little jokes, our everything - especially what we HAVE, our bond - <3. Even if you're not here with me right here, right now, i know that i STILL got you & word i'm ALWAYS thinkin about you. Waitin on you to come here. It's been a while, a long while since i felt like this and i'm feeelin nice. The moment you asked me, you told me, i was just like :D < smiling, no lie. Talkin to you just simply completes my days and makes me smile. " I dont need a lot of wishes coz i'll be okay if i get one " Now the only wish i got is for you to be here with me everyday & always. With you is where i'd rather be. In your arms, holdin me tight, NuffSaid.

i got time but time's takin forever

Sunday, March 1, 2009 (6:50 PM)

i got time, but time's takin forever. well it seems like its taking forever. you tellin me you gonna be here. i'm waiting for that? i'm wanting that. our bond seems so strong and i don't know what i'd ever do without you. you make me smile, i talk to you every single day... if i didn't have you, i wouldn't have the smile on my face. we might've had our differences and issues in the past but forreal now, the past is the past and it's gonna stay there. we grew from that past and here's a new bond. we seem to get along, we never faught since. man i love it. the fact that you're just not here.. sucks. it sucks clearly! if you were here and i'd get to see you, you'd be the sunshine to my days. but knowing that you're there to talk to everyday just makes me happy and maybe sometimes it makes me get those little butterflies inside. i don't even think you have a clue about the way you make me feel. tho it's whatever since you're not here. i won't make a mistake like that again but whatever, as long as i have you there, knowing that you're there and you're real can keep me up. i don't tell you, i don't show you how much i think about you each and everyday coz maybe just maybe it would break our friendship. so i keep it on the low and everything seems to be fine. tell me that our bond's unbreakable & it's just gonna grow. coz know what? you complete my days. i dont know what it is. maybe it's the little conversations we have even if they come up random, the way you make me laugh and our stupid jokes with each other, i truly love it. i don't ever want anything to come between us no matter what. i care for you, i think about you, i got you, always & forever. our little issue from the past doesn't even matter to me no more coz word, what we have now is better than that! when we don't talk like how we usually do, i get worried. i worry that something's going on and our friendship is breaking. it gets me thinking making me drop a tear or few. but naw it always comes back. all i gotta say is, i'm wating. i'm waiting even if it takes forever, coz i got time.

That don't kill me can only make me stronger

(3:41 PM)

See that mad progress? The one i'm doing so much better without you in my life. You caused problems making me so stressed because i just didn't know what to do with you. I let you go and look, stress free? I made my decissions and they're great ones. Don't even get me wrong. And let me say this once again, don't come back to me thinking i'm a rebound. So you say you're still there for me if i need someone to talk to? Well you don't even talk to me anymore. I bet when you and your 'gyaldemting' is done, you'll come back talking to me. Hah, whatta joke. So anyways this will probably be my last post about YOU on my blog... for now. Until you do something wrong again and proove me and everything right. Just wait and see cause i know it's gonna happen. I know i'm not a phsycic but i know that it's just gonna happen.

PS thanks jr 'ga-whaat' for making my blog more nice haha.