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knowledge is pain, that's why it hurts to know...

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Thursday, January 1, 2009 (5:31 PM)

happy fucking new year everyboooooday ! here's my not so little essay thing. i might've repeated some situations and problems or said things more than once but thats only coz they hit me hard and they made me think more than anything else and they made me see them or whatever it was in a different way now.
~~fresh start, starting fresh~~ yes everyone will keep saying that since it's a new year but i'm so sure people will be the same. all the haters, snakes, 2faced bitches etc etc out there will still be there. 08's been a bitch but that's okay. from everything , the good and the bad i still learned from all the fuckery that happened and i want to leave my past behind but i know that's not gonna happen. i'll treasure the past even if it hasn't been the best to me. 08 - i've met many new people, made new friends and sadly lost trust in people. i lost trust to some that were really close to me and i didn't want that to happen but it did. i lost trust in some people for the fact being that they changed. they got their priorites mixed up, some used me and put me on the side as if i wasn't part of their life but i'm there to lend them money? fuckthat. knowing that some people put people or 'friends' they met a little while ago before the ones that they've KNOWN for more than a year. i'm through with the waste and bullshit you kinda people put me through. i do not need this in 09. even if i've lost trust in some of you i will still be there for you - i won't forget you. from the make ups and the break ups and the relationship issues i won't hold iti against you. i'm glad that we gave it a shot knowing that it ever happened between us and for that i'm glad. even if some of you have hurt me bad and you got me bad, i'm still happy. even if you left me looking weak people knew i could hold on strong. even if i said in the begining of this that 08's been a bitch ima still say that 08 was good to me. i learned from the mistakes and i'm not gonna take it in so much. i won't forget any of it. like kanye, everything i'm not made me everything i am. i know that 08 made me realize who were the ones who really mattered and for that i hope you guys don't change dramatically because i like you guys just the way you are. unlike a few that did change - i don't need you anymore. 08 also made me become a better person. even if through out the year i appeared weak from all the heart breaks and these stupid drama problems, all it really did was made me stronger and made my trust locked. 08 made me come off strong knowing who and what my priorities are. i'm no longer this little girl, i have thoughts with things and i'm not affraid to express myself. to the people i met this year, i'm really glad i met you all. some of you realize who i really am unlike them wastes agian. some of you guys did me good. amazing how some of you are the ones who were there for me through all my problems and issues rather than the ones i've known longer. now that's sad to the ones i've known longer alie? to the people i've vent to about my problems and help me come through, thanks for putting up with me honestly. you WERE there for me. i clearly don't need no more fuckery and bullshit in 09 yet i know it will happen. i know that 09 won't be perfect. we'll win some situations and loose some and i can't control that. then again i'll learn from the mistakes. i know that there WILL be problems and all won't be solved but whatever if that's how things will be then they will be that way. i'm looking for a better 09 tho i kinda think that my year will be the same as 08 except for the fact that i'm in a new school. it's true for some people that "highschool" will change you. well it didn't change me but it did change some of my friends knowing how they got everything mixed up. i try to help them stop being someone worse than themself but they don't come through. oh well, then again that's not my fault. for 09 i'm not gonna have any resolutions because they never work for me. but i'll TRY to do better in school haha. number 1 thing i will definatley try to do, no doubt. i won't let relationships get to me so hard coz i've realized that i should be happy they ever happened right. knowing we gave it a shot is good enough - i realized that. so i won't let a relationship or more like i won't let a man put me down. i know my priorities and i know who are the ones who do matter. i can't say i definately know who they are because i'm not so sure they will change. but hey i know who they are still. this 08 year - i've expressed myself a whole lot and it did actually make me become a better person. no it didn't change me it just made me a better person. it helped me come through problems knowing people were there for me to give me advice and what not.
2009, its a new year and we'll see what's coming. i'm not psychic and i can't predict the future. i'm hoping for another good year - with good and bad situations, then again my year can't come off as perfect .

Love,
Cassandra .